Say hello (from a distance) to Willow aka Willow Fatbelly or Willowmeister. One day, I wandered into a pet shop and saw this tiny little kitten, all meek and stripey and cute, and decided upon her immediately. I should have taken heed of the shop owner who told me she's never stopped miaowing all day.

"Piffle" I thought. Until I got her out of the shop….

That was 11 years ago and she hasn't shut up since! She whines for food, for comfort, if there's a draught, if it's too hot, if someone looks at her the wrong way. She sulks when we go on holiday and by accounts of the people who come to feed her, she lays on the bed, festering, only moving downstairs for food.

Caretakers have been known to resort to using a long stick to pry her feeding bowl away from her reach - go any closer than that and human blood and flesh is a certainty.

Unsuspecting house-guests have commented on her lovely markings and gone to stroke her. Too late; they don't see the change of look in her eye and they are just yet another statistic of The Willowmeister!