My name is David Bowie, and I'm the Meanest Kitty in Kansas City.  When I'm not barfing in the hallway, lacerating the curtains or gnawing on my sister's ears, I spend my spare time guarding the kitchen cupboards and hissing at anyone who dares try enter my kitchen.

My hobbies are eating plants, shredding books, and eating and then pooing out everything from shoestrings to Christmas tree garland.  My 'slave' Sarah for some reason thinks that I like dancing, but when she insists, I plan all the different ways I can kill her in her sleep and make it look like an accident.  I'm 19 pounds of PURE MEAN. Mess with the cat, and you'll get the claws.